Ok, this one is funnier
Monday, December 24, 2007
Sunday, December 9, 2007
This is good
Got this from a friend, with whom I attended my police academy. I thought it was pretty good. It's called "An Officer's Life"
You work for 8 hours.
He works for up to 18 hours.
You drink hot coffee to stay awake.
The cold rain in the middle of the night keeps him awake.
You complain of a "headache", and call in sick.
He goes into work still hurt and sore from the guy he had to fight the night before
You make sure you're cell phone is in your pocket before you leave the house.
He makes sure his guns is clean and fully loaded and his vest is tight.
You call your girlfriend and set a date for tonight.
He can't make any plans because on his off days he still gets called back into work
You sit there and judge him, saying that its a waste of money to have them around.
Yet as soon as you need help he is there.
You work for 8 hours.
He works for up to 18 hours.
You drink hot coffee to stay awake.
The cold rain in the middle of the night keeps him awake.
You complain of a "headache", and call in sick.
He goes into work still hurt and sore from the guy he had to fight the night before
You make sure you're cell phone is in your pocket before you leave the house.
He makes sure his guns is clean and fully loaded and his vest is tight.
You call your girlfriend and set a date for tonight.
He can't make any plans because on his off days he still gets called back into work
You sit there and judge him, saying that its a waste of money to have them around.
Yet as soon as you need help he is there.
Saturday, December 1, 2007
Sunday, November 18, 2007
These are good
When in England at a fairly large conference, Colin Powell was asked by the Archbishop of Canterbury if our plans for Iraq were just an example of 'empire building' by George Bush. He answered by saying, "Over the years, the United States has sent many of its fine young men and women into great peril to fight for freedom beyond our borders. The only amount of land we have ever asked for in return is enough to bury those that did not return."
It became very quiet in the room.
************************************************************
Then there was a conference in France where a number of international engineers were taking part, including French and American. During a break one of the French engineers came back into the room saying "Have you heard the latest dumb stunt Bush has done? He has sent an aircraft carrier to Indonesia to help the tsunami victims. What does he intend to do, bomb them?"
A Boeing engineer stood up and replied quietly: "Our carriers have three hospitals on board that can treat several hundred people; they are nuclear powered and can supply emergency electrical power to shore facilities; they have three cafeterias with the capacity to feed 3,000 people three meals a day, they can produce several thousand gallons of fresh water from sea water each day, and they carry half a dozen helicopters for use in transporting victims and injured to and from their flight deck. We have eleven such ships; how many does France have?"
Once again, dead silence.
*************************************************************
A U.S. Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included Admirals from the U.S., English, Canadian, Australian and French Navies. At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a large group of officers that included personnel from most of those countries. Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks but a French admiral suddenly complained that, whereas Europeans learn many languages, Americans learn only English.'
He then asked, 'Why is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking French?'
Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied 'Maybe it's because the Brits, Canadians, Aussies and Americans arranged it so you wouldn't have to speak German.
You could have heard a pin drop.
It became very quiet in the room.
************************************************************
Then there was a conference in France where a number of international engineers were taking part, including French and American. During a break one of the French engineers came back into the room saying "Have you heard the latest dumb stunt Bush has done? He has sent an aircraft carrier to Indonesia to help the tsunami victims. What does he intend to do, bomb them?"
A Boeing engineer stood up and replied quietly: "Our carriers have three hospitals on board that can treat several hundred people; they are nuclear powered and can supply emergency electrical power to shore facilities; they have three cafeterias with the capacity to feed 3,000 people three meals a day, they can produce several thousand gallons of fresh water from sea water each day, and they carry half a dozen helicopters for use in transporting victims and injured to and from their flight deck. We have eleven such ships; how many does France have?"
Once again, dead silence.
*************************************************************
A U.S. Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included Admirals from the U.S., English, Canadian, Australian and French Navies. At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a large group of officers that included personnel from most of those countries. Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks but a French admiral suddenly complained that, whereas Europeans learn many languages, Americans learn only English.'
He then asked, 'Why is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking French?'
Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied 'Maybe it's because the Brits, Canadians, Aussies and Americans arranged it so you wouldn't have to speak German.
You could have heard a pin drop.
Friday, November 16, 2007
The History of our Congress
While doing my routine check of the Paterno Library, I found an interesting archive of the records of Congress, dating back to the inception of our country. I randomly opened one of the plethora of books, only to be immediately stunned and simultaneously confirmed in my belief that time changes all... and yet time changes nothing.
Keep in mind the following picture is from 1894...
Keep in mind the following picture is from 1894...
Monday, November 12, 2007
The Tragedy Continues
In a valiant effort, the Browns lost again to the Steelers. One day, we'll figure out how to beat those guys. Until then, just enjoy the game, I guess.
Me and Matt in our Browns best. We got a lot of heckling in Heinz Field.
The view of Pittsburgh from Heinz Field. It was a grey day, but it still looked cool.
Our view from the North Endzone. There were about 10 Cleveland fans up here.
This poor kid has no hope for the future. He will always be a Yinzer. Poor soul...
Matt, Rob, and Raul and I all had drinks in this Steelers bar. Most of them weren't too happy to see us in Orange and Brown. It was still fun though.
Friday, November 9, 2007
Sunday, November 4, 2007
Friday, November 2, 2007
Saturday, October 20, 2007
Friends of 2007
I know the year isn't over yet, but I felt like making this slide show. I'm a lucky guy, that's for sure. Thanks to all my great friends.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
Sunday, October 7, 2007
Friday, October 5, 2007
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Monday, September 10, 2007
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
Saturday, August 25, 2007
A Note for the Dogs
Dear Dogs of Mine,
It seems that lately things have gotten a smidge slack around here. I feel it is time to remind you of the rules that heretofore we have operated under. You are both cute dogs, but your continued cuteness in no way negates our previous agreement. Let me remind you of a few details of this agreement.
1. In exchange for room and board, you are to guard the kingdom. That would be guarding the kingdom from any and all bad guys, robbers, serial killers, etc. Feel free to bark maniacally at any of those that should appear in the yard. Guarding the kingdom does NOT include barking maniacally at bunnies, squirrels, cows, sheep and invisible things that only you can see, especially between the hours of 5am (when I stumble out of bed to let you out) and 8am (when I actually have to be out of bed to get to work).
(And let me take a moment here to remind you that the pizza guy is a potential bad guy. He is not your friend. Just because he comes bearing food does not allow him free and easy access to the kingdom. He is potentially way more dangerous than the bunnies that you threaten to tear limb from limb.)
2. All of the stuff that lives in the toy basket is yours. Everything else is mine. Yours includes squeaky balls, random bones, partially unstuffed stuffed animals and chew ropes. Mine includes any and all shoes on the floor (especially the expensive leather ones), underwear that missed the hamper, bras, socks, dishtowels, the remote, the cell phone, the legs of my grandmother's antique chair and the vacuum. Did I mention shoes? ALL the shoes are mine. They come in pairs, not quads, for a reason.
3. The cat gets to sleep on the bed. You do not. You each weigh 50 pounds. The cat weighs 12. You sleep smack dab in the middle of the bed with all four feet spread out covering approximately 12 square feet apiece. The cat sleeps in a neat little ball covering about 2 square feet. The cat does not bring fleas into the house. You do. You, dogs, will never be allowed to sleep on the bed. Quit sneaking up when you think I'm not looking. Your 50 pounds of dogginess negates your stealth superpowers. I know you are up there!!
4. Speaking of the cat- when he hunkers down into that little mound, lays his ears back, squints his eyes and growls way back in his chest, HE IS NOT A HAPPY KITTY. Leave him alone. He does not want to play with you. What he wants to do is poke your eyes out and shread the skin around your face. He can do that, you know. Five of his 6 ends are really sharp and pointy. He has previously shown very little restraint. Clearly he enjoys smacking you upside the head with a paw full of claws. Do not aggrevate him. When he takes your head off after you have cornered him, I will let him. You have been forewarned.
5. The cat is mean. He will lead you down a path to destruction. He likes to tear around the house winding you up. He does this knowingly and intentionally. When you chase him, I will only yell at you for careening into walls and furniture. He knows this. Quit falling for it.
6. If you find something in the garbage can, assume that I intend for it to be there. Platic tampon shells are not chew toys. Don't eat them.
7. Also not for doggy consumption- anything you find in the litter box. This is why you no longer get to kiss me.
8. You are allowed to sleep on the furniture. You are not allowed to eat the furniture.
9. Yes, I have to leave every day to go to work. No, you cannot go with me. That's why there are two of you, so you can entertain each other. The cat gets to stay in the house. You both have to stay outside while I'm gone. The cat does not chew things up. You do. Quit whining about it. Your porch is air-conditioned. It's just like inside the house minus the sofa. If you'd quit chewing up dog beds, it would be just like inside the house. You have made your own proverbial bed by destroying two very expensive dog cushions.
10. I have opposable thumbs. This is why I get to be in charge. I can open cans, doors, and bags of treats. I am the only one in the house that can operate the hose sprayer. I'm also the only one with a driver's license and a car. I win. Being cute is no match for opposable thumbs.
While I in no way wish to suppress your rightful dogginess, I feel that these very simple guidelines will allow us to continue to co-exist in peaceful harmony. Please know though, that should you choose to continue in willful violation of these rules, I WILL PUT THE CAT IN CHARGE. He has just been itching for a position in management.
Much thanks,
The Human
It seems that lately things have gotten a smidge slack around here. I feel it is time to remind you of the rules that heretofore we have operated under. You are both cute dogs, but your continued cuteness in no way negates our previous agreement. Let me remind you of a few details of this agreement.
1. In exchange for room and board, you are to guard the kingdom. That would be guarding the kingdom from any and all bad guys, robbers, serial killers, etc. Feel free to bark maniacally at any of those that should appear in the yard. Guarding the kingdom does NOT include barking maniacally at bunnies, squirrels, cows, sheep and invisible things that only you can see, especially between the hours of 5am (when I stumble out of bed to let you out) and 8am (when I actually have to be out of bed to get to work).
(And let me take a moment here to remind you that the pizza guy is a potential bad guy. He is not your friend. Just because he comes bearing food does not allow him free and easy access to the kingdom. He is potentially way more dangerous than the bunnies that you threaten to tear limb from limb.)
2. All of the stuff that lives in the toy basket is yours. Everything else is mine. Yours includes squeaky balls, random bones, partially unstuffed stuffed animals and chew ropes. Mine includes any and all shoes on the floor (especially the expensive leather ones), underwear that missed the hamper, bras, socks, dishtowels, the remote, the cell phone, the legs of my grandmother's antique chair and the vacuum. Did I mention shoes? ALL the shoes are mine. They come in pairs, not quads, for a reason.
3. The cat gets to sleep on the bed. You do not. You each weigh 50 pounds. The cat weighs 12. You sleep smack dab in the middle of the bed with all four feet spread out covering approximately 12 square feet apiece. The cat sleeps in a neat little ball covering about 2 square feet. The cat does not bring fleas into the house. You do. You, dogs, will never be allowed to sleep on the bed. Quit sneaking up when you think I'm not looking. Your 50 pounds of dogginess negates your stealth superpowers. I know you are up there!!
4. Speaking of the cat- when he hunkers down into that little mound, lays his ears back, squints his eyes and growls way back in his chest, HE IS NOT A HAPPY KITTY. Leave him alone. He does not want to play with you. What he wants to do is poke your eyes out and shread the skin around your face. He can do that, you know. Five of his 6 ends are really sharp and pointy. He has previously shown very little restraint. Clearly he enjoys smacking you upside the head with a paw full of claws. Do not aggrevate him. When he takes your head off after you have cornered him, I will let him. You have been forewarned.
5. The cat is mean. He will lead you down a path to destruction. He likes to tear around the house winding you up. He does this knowingly and intentionally. When you chase him, I will only yell at you for careening into walls and furniture. He knows this. Quit falling for it.
6. If you find something in the garbage can, assume that I intend for it to be there. Platic tampon shells are not chew toys. Don't eat them.
7. Also not for doggy consumption- anything you find in the litter box. This is why you no longer get to kiss me.
8. You are allowed to sleep on the furniture. You are not allowed to eat the furniture.
9. Yes, I have to leave every day to go to work. No, you cannot go with me. That's why there are two of you, so you can entertain each other. The cat gets to stay in the house. You both have to stay outside while I'm gone. The cat does not chew things up. You do. Quit whining about it. Your porch is air-conditioned. It's just like inside the house minus the sofa. If you'd quit chewing up dog beds, it would be just like inside the house. You have made your own proverbial bed by destroying two very expensive dog cushions.
10. I have opposable thumbs. This is why I get to be in charge. I can open cans, doors, and bags of treats. I am the only one in the house that can operate the hose sprayer. I'm also the only one with a driver's license and a car. I win. Being cute is no match for opposable thumbs.
While I in no way wish to suppress your rightful dogginess, I feel that these very simple guidelines will allow us to continue to co-exist in peaceful harmony. Please know though, that should you choose to continue in willful violation of these rules, I WILL PUT THE CAT IN CHARGE. He has just been itching for a position in management.
Much thanks,
The Human
Thursday, August 23, 2007
JB's Tactical Response
My friend bill is kinda sick, and has too much time on his hands... but this is definitely funny. Keep in mind his dog is a female and is named Jack Bauer. That's badass.
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Monday, August 13, 2007
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Saturday, August 4, 2007
Property of Tilden
Monday, July 30, 2007
Monday, July 23, 2007
Everytime a Harry Potter book comes out...
This is what I think of all you Harry Potter readers: You are the Dark Side
Sunday, July 22, 2007
And let the Vacation begin!
So the annual trip to South Carolina started off with a few glitches: namely the flight from State College to Philly being cancelled (re-routed via bus through Williamsport) and then almost dying on the flight from Williamsport to Philly. Yikes. Oh yeah and the flight from Philly to Myrtle Beach ended with me getting puked on by my seat neighbor. DOH!
So I'm finally here and it's gorgeous as always. The usual suspects are all here, and I'm once again reminded that my family is the greatest. I've only taken a few pictures so far, but rest assured, much more to come. The pics that are not posted here will surely be on my website: http://www.tilden.cc
Me being a badass. Notice the Cubs hat.
This is what happens when Heyward insists I hug him. Nice 5-star action going on here.
More to come... PEACE
So I'm finally here and it's gorgeous as always. The usual suspects are all here, and I'm once again reminded that my family is the greatest. I've only taken a few pictures so far, but rest assured, much more to come. The pics that are not posted here will surely be on my website: http://www.tilden.cc
Me being a badass. Notice the Cubs hat.
This is what happens when Heyward insists I hug him. Nice 5-star action going on here.
More to come... PEACE
Monday, July 9, 2007
Wednesday, July 4, 2007
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
Monday, July 2, 2007
Sunday, July 1, 2007
Saturday, June 30, 2007
Breakfast of boozers
Friday, June 29, 2007
Notice a trend yet?
Vacation Officially Started
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Penn State's Educational Standards In Practice
... this from the gas pumps at PSU's vehicle service garage... Wow, no one caught it. It's on ALL the pumps. Can you see it?
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Finally, some glamour shots
Regina has deep blue blood. A Nittany Lion and a cop.
Isn't she gorgeous? Glamour Shots all around.
Monday, June 11, 2007
Friday, June 1, 2007
The Journey to Williamsport
Today began at 7AM with a trip to Walmart. I got some tie-down ratchet straps, a trailer hitch ball, and a safety pin (ill-fated safety pin).
Then it was off to U-Haul to rent a trailer. I rented a 5' x 9' open trailer. They hooked it up and all looked great (see previous post). I got the bike in Williamsport, transferred the title and got on my way home. The trip home was uneventful. I parked the bike in my apartment's parking garage and then went to take the U-Haul trailer back. I got half-way to the U-Haul place, and the damn trailer fell off the hitch ball! Luckily there was no damage to my truck or the trailer. I got a new pin, and took it back.
Now for the fun part. Here are some pictures of the adventure. Unfortunately when I buy a motorcycle, it rains for 3 days, so I don't have any high quality pictures of the bike. On the next sunny day, I'll be sure to take many.
Then it was off to U-Haul to rent a trailer. I rented a 5' x 9' open trailer. They hooked it up and all looked great (see previous post). I got the bike in Williamsport, transferred the title and got on my way home. The trip home was uneventful. I parked the bike in my apartment's parking garage and then went to take the U-Haul trailer back. I got half-way to the U-Haul place, and the damn trailer fell off the hitch ball! Luckily there was no damage to my truck or the trailer. I got a new pin, and took it back.
Now for the fun part. Here are some pictures of the adventure. Unfortunately when I buy a motorcycle, it rains for 3 days, so I don't have any high quality pictures of the bike. On the next sunny day, I'll be sure to take many.
"Remember: Take only the number
"Remember: Take only the number of Hash Browns displayed." From the computer display at McDonald's. Apparently employees were giving them away...
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Monday, May 28, 2007
New York is the city that we know don't sleep
Left State College on Sunday morning for NYC. Got into the city around 3:30 PM and saw my cousin, Annie's play. She was pretty amazing. She even had an agent from a theater company approach her after the show and give her an audition. Way to go, Annie!
Then we had dinner; a Behr family reunion of sorts. Steve joined in for the fun. Then I went to Steve's apartment in Brooklyn for some booze/fun. Drove back to Philly by 4Pm today.
Today: laundry (a crap load), and fixing the rents' computers. E-mail troubles have been conquered. I'm awesome. Now it's time to upload some much overdue pictures to my Yahoo Pictures site (see www.tilden.cc/photos )
All for now, playas
Then we had dinner; a Behr family reunion of sorts. Steve joined in for the fun. Then I went to Steve's apartment in Brooklyn for some booze/fun. Drove back to Philly by 4Pm today.
Today: laundry (a crap load), and fixing the rents' computers. E-mail troubles have been conquered. I'm awesome. Now it's time to upload some much overdue pictures to my Yahoo Pictures site (see www.tilden.cc/photos )
All for now, playas
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Slim Fatboy
Monday, April 23, 2007
PSU PD: New K9 acquired. Name = Chaos
Saturday, April 21, 2007
Friday, April 20, 2007
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Sunday, April 15, 2007
I work too much
Lets recap the work weekend. Friday night I worked 6PM - 4AM at PSU PD. Then I went to Pleasant Gap from 6AM - 4PM. Then straight back to PSU PD from 6PM - 4AM. Then back to Pleasant Gap today from 6AM - 10PM... holy crap... 52 straight hours of work.
But it's all gonna pay off in the end...
But it's all gonna pay off in the end...
Monday, April 9, 2007
Four-day weekend
Four-day weekends are pretty freakin' sweet. Friday night I drove to Philly with Kat-5. Her parents made me dinner, which was so good. Her parents are a riot. I didn't get to meet any of the little hurricanes though. Maybe next time. Then I went to see Kate. That was pretty fun, I learned how to use some balance board thingy. It has a name, but I don't know what it is.
I slept till 9 on Saturday morning. I went to Target Master early to pick up my .38 special after it had the firing pin replaced for free (sweet). I've missed this gun. I then immediately went to the Flyers game with Danielle, Larry, and Saxon (see previous post). They lost, but oh well.
I then drove straight to Pittsburgh. Dana is a great road companion. Made the trip in 5 hours, including 3 stops - my bladder must be damn small.
Saturday night in Pittsburgh was very cool. I hung out with Steve and Paul, drinking a variety of Saranac beers and watching Entourage.
I slept till Noon on Sunday, had an awesome Easter lunch with my family at my brother's house. Sunday evening I had dinner with Laura and got to see her family. It was so nice to see them all. Dinner with Laura was great. I hung out with her for a while as she studied for some paramedic final exam. It was great catching up, and seeing her doing so well was what I needed to see.
Today's been lazy. I slept till 1 PM. Then I watched The Deadliest Catch with my sister-in-law until about 3:30. Then I went to Dick's Sports and purchased some clothing I probably can't afford. Oops, that's what credit cards are for.
Now I'm watching a movie with my brother, waiting to leave for Youngstown, OH to pick up Cait. Then we're driving back to State College... hopefully in time for last call at a bar (wherever Larry winds up).
I have court tomorrow at 1:30 and 3:30. But I don't work until 6:00 PM.
Here's the kicker - in 2 weeks, I get another 4-day weekend. I love my job
All for now
I slept till 9 on Saturday morning. I went to Target Master early to pick up my .38 special after it had the firing pin replaced for free (sweet). I've missed this gun. I then immediately went to the Flyers game with Danielle, Larry, and Saxon (see previous post). They lost, but oh well.
I then drove straight to Pittsburgh. Dana is a great road companion. Made the trip in 5 hours, including 3 stops - my bladder must be damn small.
Saturday night in Pittsburgh was very cool. I hung out with Steve and Paul, drinking a variety of Saranac beers and watching Entourage.
I slept till Noon on Sunday, had an awesome Easter lunch with my family at my brother's house. Sunday evening I had dinner with Laura and got to see her family. It was so nice to see them all. Dinner with Laura was great. I hung out with her for a while as she studied for some paramedic final exam. It was great catching up, and seeing her doing so well was what I needed to see.
Today's been lazy. I slept till 1 PM. Then I watched The Deadliest Catch with my sister-in-law until about 3:30. Then I went to Dick's Sports and purchased some clothing I probably can't afford. Oops, that's what credit cards are for.
Now I'm watching a movie with my brother, waiting to leave for Youngstown, OH to pick up Cait. Then we're driving back to State College... hopefully in time for last call at a bar (wherever Larry winds up).
I have court tomorrow at 1:30 and 3:30. But I don't work until 6:00 PM.
Here's the kicker - in 2 weeks, I get another 4-day weekend. I love my job
All for now
Saturday, April 7, 2007
QT with Dana
Another Flyers Game!
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